Mark Force & Davey Jones vs Cyrus Ferrari & Bryce Fuller

[Damon Stabler (Owner)]

You four RP here.

[Mark Force]

The TRUTV logo flashes before the cold open. Mark Force is in his dirty hotel room. The lights are out. He’s still in his piss-soaked singlet from Friday Night Freedom.

MF : America. Im supposed to welcome you to my new tv show...but to be honest...I cant. I wanted that Liberty Title more than anything….but nightmares of Davey Jones have taken over my thoughts….that man scares the everloving shit out of me. Every sound I hear…makes me think….he’s coming for me….again...

We hear a *creeeeeeeeeak* in the background. Mark begins to tear up.

MF : I am so….so scared right now. I want...I want to be BFFs with Davey. How can I be his partner in a tag team match if I’m constantly afraid of him? What if..

The lights come on, and Mark screams like a little girl.

Cena : Yo dawg , it’s just me. Want some nachos?

Welcome to this week’s episode of “Happy as a King”, exclusively on TruTV!

“The Juice” by Chance the Rapper plays over a montage of Mark Force’s greatest career moments...
...Mark Force Holding up the XPW World Title..
...The “Old School Cool” On Apollo King...
...Making Big Bubba tap out..
...Whipping Leeroy over the ringside barricade, and then high-fiving fans…
...Destroying a plate of nachos…
...Winning the XWA US Title…
Finally, a cut to Mark’s 100$ smile…

Man...It’s good to the be the KING.



Mark is gorging himself on Hot Pockets. What flavor? Pepperoni Pizza of course! Duh! His belly jiggles, and who could help but look at it as it bulges out below his white tee. His purple basketball shorts have seen better days. Many of the mall food court patrons call for security. Mark finishes the delicious Hot Pockets , and heads back to his dirty hotel room where he dons the Pirate outfit he bought last week. He looks in a nearby mirror that hasn't been cleaned in a fortnight.
MF : Even though Davey beat me...soundly…he and I can still be best friends forever...right?

Cena : Dawg...I think you might need to come to terms with the fact that you and Davey won’t be friends.

MF : Don’t be jealous, Cena. Davey Jones is busy. He’s a pirate. He probably just didn’t see all my shouts on ShoutBox. Do pirates even *have* computers? I should send a raven. THat’s how pirates send messages right??

Cena : Word life.

Captain HungryBuns : Yarrrr, that has to be it. The pirate life doesn’t allow time for newfangled technologies. Nay. Mark Force be no more, Captain Hungrybuns is back!

Commercial Break.

When we return, it’s Tuesday. Mark Fo...erm...Captain HungryBuns is backstage an an AWF House Show. His music hits, and the Captain charges out of the curtain. Many fans use this opportunity to go to the bathroom, or go get popcorn.
“Heading to the ring at this time...he’s the King of Old School...Marrrrrk Foo.”

Captain HungryBuns snatches the mic from the ring announcer.

Captain HungryBuns : Yarr...Mark Force be my old name. Henceforth, you shall refer to me by me Pirate name. Sir Captain Hungrybuns.

Captain Hungrybuns climbs into the ring.

Captain Hungrybuns : What up AWF? I be Captain Hungrybuns...AND ME BUNS BE HUNGRY!

Some guy in the first row : Is that a euphemism for sodomy?

Captain Hungrybuns : Id like to start this off by apologizing to ye. Davey Jones and I be pretty much bffs, see. I don’t usually like to fight me friends, especially over gold. There be plenty of gold to go ‘round. His booty be rightfully his, wasn’t right for me to try and take it.

Some guy next to that other guy in the first row : Was *that* a euphemism for sodomy?

Captain Hungrybuns : On Friday night, Davey and I will come out here and work together to claim new treasure. Many men stand in me way. Cyrus Ferrari and Bryce Fuller be the first in line, and I think these 2 scallywags be in for a real treat. Cyrus Ferrari is like Bruce Wayne-lite. He is neither as rich, nor as handsome as the hunk of man that is the Caped Crusader. His partner, Bryce Fuller, be a very attractive specimen...but, he’s not even the best Bryce in AWF. That be a shame. These 2 be used to lying on the mat...so Friday will be just another day at the office. Now, if you fine people will excuse me, I gotta go find me tag team partner.
Commercial Break



Mark is backstage looking for his tag team partner.

Cena : Yo, I gotta ask. What’s this infatuation you got with pirates, boats, and treasure?

Captain Hungrybuns : You know how much I like seamen, Cena.

bah dum tshhh

Captain Hungrybuns : Here it is. Davey Jones’ locker room. I wonder if I can just walk right in?
Smoke starts to billow out from under the door.

Cena : I think that means no, yo.



Captain Hungrybuns : Davey! It’s me! Your best friend Mark “Captain Hungrybuns” Force. You wanna go to the mall? Do pirates like malls? I know a great mall around here with a Cinnabon. I know a cashier there, he can get us a discount.

Mark waits , but no answer.

Captain Hungrybuns : I was trying to think of a name for our super awesome best friend tag team. What do you think about Super Sexy Pirate Duo? I mean...we’re both super sexy and we’re both pirates. So, I think we should go with that. How do you feel about my first mate, John Cena? We could be like...a Super Sexy Pirate Trio? Or like...Ménage à Pirate? Davey?! You in there?

Mark knocks on the door.

Captain Hungrybuns : He probably just can’t hear me. Davey?! If you don’t want to make a trip to Cinnabon, we need to talk about the tag team tournament. Between the 2 of us, we’ve been many of these chuckleheads before. I’ve watched a few of the other guys matches...but being in the main event each week comes with stresses that these guys just don’t understand. I’ve gotta center myself...so I don’t have time to study losers like JC Smovve. And, I know pirates don’t care about spelling...but, how the hell do you even pronounce Smovve? I think he was going for a pronounciation like “smooth”...but smooth has two Os...because that’s how the english language works. I digress. Im sure you agree with me , Davey. Wouldn’t it be cool if we were brothers?!

Mark gets giddy.

Captain Hungrybuns : Dude. That’d be so cool! We could have sleepovers, and play baseball, and play video games and pl…

The scene fades to the TruTV logo.

NEXT WEEK! ON “HAPPY AS A KING!”

Cena, check out me new pirate ship!


“The Juice” by Chance the Rapper plays over the credits...

[Devil Of The Deep Davey Jones]

*The camera opens to a backstage hallway, many of AWF's biggest superstars have their name above their doors. As we continue forward, we get to the end of the hallway, on the right is a door marked 'Davey Jones' and fog is perpetually spilling out from underneath the door. As the camera approaches, the door creaks open, and the cameraman, shakingly enters.



Once inside, we arrive inside, we see a dimly-lit, room decorated with all cherry hardwood, there is a small desk and a bunk, and a painting in the shape of a porthole. Davey Jones turns from his seat on his desk and smiles his toothy, black smile. He walks forward and the camera shakes.*



Davey: "Hold the camera steady, lad. I have some things to say...



Three nights... Three weeks I have sojourned the seas of the AWF. Three nights, three victories, and already I am achieving a bountiful treasure hoard... Many people have reacted to me many different ways. Not the least of which has been paired to go to war with me on the high seas... Mark Force, you claim that you wish to sail with me. You claim that you wish to be-... a buccaneer. But the truth is, Mark Force, that you are tainted. Everything in and on you is tainted by the depraved culture of the Americas. So is your romanticized version of what it is to be in the profession of a privateer. I have spent many a night in cold, wet, and dark places. Many a time without food, and many a time with plague ridden rats who would naw on your leathery flesh and brittle bones if ye were not on guard. But no matter how tainted you may be Mark force, you are not without hope…



“That's right. I said that you are not without hope. Last week I saw a glimmer of the man that you once were. And I'm not saying that you could be that again. I am simply saying that you are not a pirate. I believe that you never be. Not even an honorary pirate. To be one, you must first sail the seas of death aboard the Flying Dutchman. Scrape through the realms of purgatory by your fingernails. Stare sea monsters in the face and laugh. and above all... You must have a heart that is black as coal with no compassion for anyone. Not even me…This coming Freedom, we will be on the same team. We will not be united. But we will win.



I have seen your resilience and I know Cyrus Ferrari and Bryce Fuller cannot pin you, and they cannot withstand the sheer force of The Maelstrom. After the rich eunich and the xenophobe, we arrive at our next destination where we will continue our search for tag-team treasure. That Island, is Van gorgeous, and JC Smovve, or Johnny Riggs and Hell’s Bouncer. The second crew is a cowboy and a man thinks that he knows Hell…



*Davey gives a riotous guffaw before calming down a few moments later.*



I am concerned with neither of them. The island that I expect to visit will be Van gorgeous and JC Smovve. Van Gorgeous continues to be the most depraved sack of meat in all the Western Hemisphere, but he proved something to me in the Liberty Championship match for Marietta's bronze choker. He proved that while underhanded tactics were his favorite weapon, he had many others in his arsenal.

JC Smovve, I do not know much about you. But from what I have read, the fleet of the AWF fans refer to you as Mr. Charisma... Charisma may matter in a team match, however regardless of how much charisma you may possess, you are no Captain. And this Captain will lead his crew to victory.



Mike Savior and Elix Michaels, I need not waste any words on you. You have no victories. Need I say more?



Maroda and Nakamura... The fury of the waters of the Orient have never claimed me before. What makes you think that you have the chance?



Bryce Justice, you were my first victim here in the AWF and there is no course where someone is pitiable as Quintrell Cox can change that.



Last, we will arrive at our final destination... Will it be the Varsity Club 2014? Will it be The Suffering? Will it be Christy Champion and Buck James? Or Pat Gordon and Desmond Kelly? Will our final destination be Piers Smith and Blake Porter? Or KGB?... Or will it be Skullcrusher and Pierce Larkin? or Diego Garcia and Apollo King?



There are many reasons why none of these destinations will be unconquerable. But for two of you… X marks the spot. And you will be the final booby-trap for myself and Mark force before we take our rightful booty. And the Devil of the Deep’s Treasure Cove will begin to overflow.



For all of you who stand in our way, remember this... Dead Men Tell No Tales…”



*An unseen force shoves the camera man over as he tumbles out the door in a heap. The camera stares up at Davey’s door as it loudly creaks shut.*